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Relationship issues that may apply to you:
If you are in a relationship and have felt the blow of betrayal your world may seem upside down. How can I ever trust this person again? Wasn’t I good enough, pretty enough, successful enough? Will he/she do this again? Do I know everything, what don’t I know? What felt safe is no longer. Who is this person!!
It is the greatest of sucker punches. If you share this event with your friends and relatives they may tell you,”Get out while you can, you deserve better, once a cheater always a cheater, have some self-respect and leave, etc”.
In the moment you may want to take that ride. Toss your partner out and show him or her the consequences of their behavior, what they have lost.
Yet, your heart wants to hold on. You have been together for so long, there was a lot of good in the relationship, you have children, joint finances, a home together, and years of memories and a future you were expecting to spend with your partner. The impact of losing these things makes impulsively reacting to the betrayal problematic for all.
It is important to truly contemplate what the future holds if the decision to separate or divorce is made. There is time for this, but there is also time to contemplate, breathe and put it in perspective. Tune out the negative voices of family and friends, they are not in your shoes.
It is not stupidity or foolishness to try to save your relationship. After all, you did vow, “for better or worse”. This moment is the ultimate test of whether the relationship can survive. Before you end it all, and you are both willing or half willing to salvage and rebuild the relationship, seek guidance, support and an unbiased perspective from a professional.
If you need help navigating through this period. If you need help rebuilding your relationship, call me and we will work together.
Relationship distress:
Why do I date the same people? I went from one narcissist to the next, why can’t I see it? I’m dating my father!
Why do we date, marry and divorce the people who hurt us the most as children? Why do repeat the same dating patterns?
These issues create more baggage for us to continue to carry into the next relationship. Feelings of low self-worth, poor self- esteem, lack of trust, and feelings of not being good enough among others are worsened and make the next relationship difficult. And so the cycle continues.
If you want to heal from past relationships whether they were childhood, bullying, past romances, etc, call me. Together we can work through the underlying hurt and discover how to stop the pattern of meeting the next Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
Further, together we can explore what makes a relationship successful. Discover what ingredients are needed to create love, friendship, harmony, mutual support, trust, commitment and a mutual vision of the future. Help weed out the bad relationships by creating the relationship you want.
Trauma:
Pain comes in so many different packages. The messages we receive as a child, whether intentionally or not, hurt just as much. What we hear as a child we accept as truths. Our adult brain may or may not have challenged the belief. However, even when we are able to recognize the untruth in those messages, the feelings and emotions tied to that memory are hard to break. Using trauma techniques that help you release the trauma from your mind and body you can free yourself of childhood trauma, relationship trauma and other traumas. Techniques such as EMDR and prolonged exposure therapy may help you find the peace you have been searching for.
Working with members of the military and first responders it is clear that seeking help from trauma is not a priority. Messages from superior officers, the potential blemish on one’s record and the attitude of mental toughness all impact whether seeking help addressing trauma is attained. Many rely on their brothers in the military to talk to about mutual experiences-who else gets it better? However, talking alone won’t end the symptoms that trauma brings.
Getting help for trauma of any sort have benefits not only to you, as the trauma survivor, but to your partner, family and other relationships. You are returned to the full you. We work to tear down that wall between you and the world.
If you are in a relationship and have felt the blow of betrayal your world may seem upside down. How can I ever trust this person again? Wasn’t I good enough, pretty enough, successful enough? Will he/she do this again? Do I know everything, what don’t I know? What felt safe is no longer. Who is this person!!
It is the greatest of sucker punches. If you share this event with your friends and relatives they may tell you,”Get out while you can, you deserve better, once a cheater always a cheater, have some self-respect and leave, etc”.
In the moment you may want to take that ride. Toss your partner out and show him or her the consequences of their behavior, what they have lost.
Yet, your heart wants to hold on. You have been together for so long, there was a lot of good in the relationship, you have children, joint finances, a home together, and years of memories and a future you were expecting to spend with your partner. The impact of losing these things makes impulsively reacting to the betrayal problematic for all.
It is important to truly contemplate what the future holds if the decision to separate or divorce is made. There is time for this, but there is also time to contemplate, breathe and put it in perspective. Tune out the negative voices of family and friends, they are not in your shoes.
It is not stupidity or foolishness to try to save your relationship. After all, you did vow, “for better or worse”. This moment is the ultimate test of whether the relationship can survive. Before you end it all, and you are both willing or half willing to salvage and rebuild the relationship, seek guidance, support and an unbiased perspective from a professional.
If you need help navigating through this period. If you need help rebuilding your relationship, call me and we will work together.
Relationship distress:
Why do I date the same people? I went from one narcissist to the next, why can’t I see it? I’m dating my father!
Why do we date, marry and divorce the people who hurt us the most as children? Why do repeat the same dating patterns?
These issues create more baggage for us to continue to carry into the next relationship. Feelings of low self-worth, poor self- esteem, lack of trust, and feelings of not being good enough among others are worsened and make the next relationship difficult. And so the cycle continues.
If you want to heal from past relationships whether they were childhood, bullying, past romances, etc, call me. Together we can work through the underlying hurt and discover how to stop the pattern of meeting the next Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
Further, together we can explore what makes a relationship successful. Discover what ingredients are needed to create love, friendship, harmony, mutual support, trust, commitment and a mutual vision of the future. Help weed out the bad relationships by creating the relationship you want.
Trauma:
Pain comes in so many different packages. The messages we receive as a child, whether intentionally or not, hurt just as much. What we hear as a child we accept as truths. Our adult brain may or may not have challenged the belief. However, even when we are able to recognize the untruth in those messages, the feelings and emotions tied to that memory are hard to break. Using trauma techniques that help you release the trauma from your mind and body you can free yourself of childhood trauma, relationship trauma and other traumas. Techniques such as EMDR and prolonged exposure therapy may help you find the peace you have been searching for.
Working with members of the military and first responders it is clear that seeking help from trauma is not a priority. Messages from superior officers, the potential blemish on one’s record and the attitude of mental toughness all impact whether seeking help addressing trauma is attained. Many rely on their brothers in the military to talk to about mutual experiences-who else gets it better? However, talking alone won’t end the symptoms that trauma brings.
Getting help for trauma of any sort have benefits not only to you, as the trauma survivor, but to your partner, family and other relationships. You are returned to the full you. We work to tear down that wall between you and the world.
What is EMDR?
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Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy is a structured therapy that encourages the patient to briefly focus on the trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories.
I am a trauma therapist working in Wilmington, NC. My trauma clients have suffered injuries as seemingly benign as childhood messages from family and friends to the obviously traumatizing sexual and emotional abuse. Yet, each trauma carries with it a negative perception of self and the world. No matter how small one’s trauma, it carries a big toll. I can help reprocess the trauma so those memories lose their power. |
